There was a woman I saw give a testimony in front of a large audience at UBF. I am pretty sure the testimony was filtered by UBF members to ensure it was OK to say by UBF standards and I am pretty sure she was in line with standard operating procedure at the time.
She said she prayed for her Bible student to break up with her boyfriend. I want to address if Bible teachers should be encouraging people to break up with their boyfriend or girlfriend, encouraging them to marry or being neutral. I suggest that encouraging them to marry and being neutral can be supported but not encouraging them to break up. When I say encourage to marry I am not talking about forced marriage, but suggesting marriage as an option.
I will first address this within what would be done in the Israelite community within the old testament and then what would be done within the new testament. Considering two possibilities if the person had consensual sex with the person they are dating and if they did not have sex at all
Here is a document explaining my outlook on interpreting the old testament in modern times
https://discipleshipmethods.blogspot.com/2018/01/how-i-interpret-temporal-nature-of-old.html
Old testament Israelite community and couple had consensual sex
28 Suppose a woman isn’t engaged to be married, and a man talks her into sleeping with him. If they are caught, 29 they will be forced to get married. He must give her father fifty pieces of silver as a bride-price and[e] can never divorce her.
Deuteronomy 22:28-29 Contemporary English Version
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=deuteronomy+22&version=CEV
Accessed online on 2018 February 1
So if the couple has consensual sex and the woman was a unmarried virgin not engaged to marry another man, the couple would be required to marry. If a common UBF Bible teacher policy of encouraging the couple to break up was followed that would have been contrary to the rules in the word of God agreed upon by the Israelite community ( Exodus 19:8 ) and God. If they were required to marry in the law spoken by God to Moses then how can people today say they are not even allowed to marry but instead the Bible teacher should pray for their break up? By saying this I am not saying a forced marriage should always be required for consensual sex with a unmarried virgin woman in all modern societies but certainly if it was required in the land of the ancient Israelite society with God's approval how can a Bible teacher pray they break up?
Old testament Israelite community and a man is dating a unmarried divorced woman
When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.
2 And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife.
3 And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife;
4 Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the Lord: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the Lord thy God giveth thee for an inheritance.
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=deuteronomy+24&version=KJV
Accessed online on 2018 February 1
If they were dating a divorced women in the old testament Israelite community and they wanted to marry it says she may go and be another man's wife but even if one of the members of the couple is hoping to marry the other, who knows your Bible teacher might encourage them to break up instead of saying they may marry if they want to do as the Bible taught.
Old testament community and the man is dating a unmarried virgin who he did not have sex with
7 “If a man sells his daughter as a servant, she is not to go free as male servants do. 8 If she does not please the master who has selected her for himself,[b] he must let her be redeemed. He has no right to sell her to foreigners, because he has broken faith with her.9 If he selects her for his son, he must grant her the rights of a daughter. 10 If he marries another woman, he must not deprive the first one of her food, clothing and marital rights. 11 If he does not provide her with these three things, she is to go free, without any payment of money.
Exodus 21:7-11 NiV
Accessed online on 2018 February 1
There is a designated way for them to marry and God has given them permission if they want to but the Bible teacher encourages them to break up anyway? Should they be punished by discouraged marriage for good behavior of not having sex before marriage where as the couple that had sex is now allowed to marry? Is encouraging them to break up instead of reminding them they are allowed to get married really Biblical?
New testament time period and couple did not have sex
8 Now to the unmarried[a] and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
1 Corinthians 7:8-9 New International Version
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+corinthians+7&version=NIV
Accessed online on 2018 February 1
The Bible does not say if they have trouble controlling their passions break them up but that it is better to mary than to burn with passion.
Again in the new testament the Bible allows the couple to get married but the bible teacher might encourage them to break up. What is the Bible teacher afraid of? Outside loyalty, information transfer or sex outside of marriage are the typical fears I can think of. If the fear is information transfer this suggests it is a cult, if the person is not a member of UBF so they want a break up this reminds me of Julia in the book 1984, but if the fear is sex outside of marriage because they can not control themselves while dating that person the suggestion is that they marry not that they be discouraged from dating. I am not saying to push them to marry but certainly to discourage them from marrying by encouraging them to break up is contrary to 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 that encourages them to marry if they can not control themselves. If they can control themselves should we punish that virtue by encouraging them to break up thus discouraging them from marrying? How foolish
As the novel closes, Winston discovers that his love for Julia has been replaced by love for Big Brother – the only form of love that is approved by the Party.
Accessed online on 2018 February 1
New testament time period and couple did have sex
But if anyone supposes to be behaving improperly to his virgin, if she is beyond youth, and it ought to be so, let him do what he wills; he does not sin; let them marry.
1 Corinthians 7:36 Berean Literal Bible
If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married.
1 Corinthians 7:36 New International Version
If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin.
1 Corinthians 7:36 English Standard Version
But if any man thinks he is acting improperly toward his virgin, if she is past marriageable age, and so it must be, he can do what he wants. He is not sinning; they can get married.
1 Corinthians 7:36 Holman Christian Standard Bible
Accessed online on 2018 February 1
37 But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. 38 So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better.[c]
1 Corinthians 7:37-38 New International Version
[c] 1 Corinthians 7:38 Or 36 If anyone thinks he is not treating his daughter properly, and if she is getting along in years (or if her passions are too strong), and he feels she ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. He should let her get married. 37 But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind to keep the virgin unmarried—this man also does the right thing. 38 So then, he who gives his virgin in marriage does right, but he who does not give her in marriage does better.
Accessed online on 2018 February 1
Although the principles above for 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 already would apply for this situation additionally depending on how 1 Corinthians 7:36-38 is translated my claims above may apply extra so not less if the couple already had sex. (SIC)
All the reasons for allowing them to get married if they did not have sex also apply to allowing them to get married if they did have sex. However depending on how 1 Corinthians 7:36-38 is translated it may also specifically allow them to get married if they did have sex which is contrary to the policy of the Bible teacher pushing them to break up and not get married.
A true story of a better Bible teacher
One of the Bible students a teacher was teaching got pregnant by her boyfriend she was dating at the same time that she was a Bible student. This teacher did not discourage them from marrying and encourage them to break up but approved of her students decision to get married. This student left the group and the teacher seemed fine with that and she did not seem to use the marriage to try to hook her into the group. I think this teacher was a good influence. This teacher later decided to leave UBF after years of service to UBF because they were to controlling.
For a better understanding of the voluntary choice to get married please read this foundational article of mine
For a better understanding of what is ethically wrong with marriage by faith please read this article
If you do not like my writings on this topic and think I am the one who is suggesting unethical forced marriages and not UBF please read my response here
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